The Things Cops Say on the Radio

I am a member of quite a few Law Enforcement groups on Facebook and in one of them someone asked “What is the craziest thing you ever heard on the radio?” Well this got me thinking about some of the funny stuff that came across the air during my career and I thought I would share a few of them. Just a heads up……Adult language ahead!

One night an older Officer was driving up the main street in Kaufman during a thunderstorm when lightening struck a transformer that he was driving under and it scared the all-day shit out of him! He got on the radio and screamed “Dispatch I think I’ve been struck by lightening!” Dispatch replied “Are you alright?” and he said, over the main radio channel, “Yeah, but I think I just shit my pants!“.

Then there was the time I slipped up. Another Officer and I had been after this woman who had warrants for weeks. She had managed to slip past us a half a dozen times and it had become a little personal! So early one Saturday morning I told the other Officer that I was going to get her that day and I went on the hunt. A short time later, I spotted her car at her son’s house and called my partner to meet me there. We beat and beat on the door until someone finally answered and when her son opened the door I spotted her asleep on the couch. We hooked her up and both of us started driving toward the station. I called my partner on the radio and, in a moment of excitement, stated “I told you I’d get her sneaky ass!” I saw him hit his brakes, and as I pulled up beside him I could see him laughing his ass off. He rolled down the window, and through his fits of laughter, he yelled “Boy you can’t say that on the radio!” It hit me then what I had said and being a new, young officer, my pucker factor went up significantly. Needless to say I was sweating the ride back to the station just wondering if the Chief had been listening. Luckily for me he wasn’t and I never heard anything about it.

Early in my career we had this cranky ass, old-as-the-hills Sergeant, who was the spitting image, and acted exactly like, Buford T. Justice from the Smokey and the Bandit movies (and I am not exaggerating one bit!). Well one Sunday morning I had just left the station and was dispatched to a 911 hang-up. Before I could respond, ole Buford T keys up the mic and says, and I quote, “905 I’ll take that. It’s just going to be those damned Mexicans trying to call Mexico again“. I just reached down and turned my radio off.

Then there was the time one of the Officers got in a pursuit with a vehicle. The vehicle headed out into the country, going down every back road on the map. Dispatch calls out “903 I need your location” The Officer comes back “Dispatch I don’t know where we are right now“, the Dispatcher, being concerned for her Officer’s safety responds “Well what do you see?” After a few seconds the Officer replies “Well I can see the moon, that’s about it!

Then there was the absolute GREATEST of all time! One of our guys once stopped a guy on traffic and began to run him over the radio……he kept busting out laughing and releasing the mic and trying to start over. Then it went something like this…. “Dispatch, last name will be……………Pussy………Paul Union Sam Sam Young“……………………………radio silence……………………………………. then the Chief got on the radio and said “910, I believe that’s going to be pronounced “Poosay“…………..then the damned Officer, who didn’t have the sense God gave a goat, get’s on there and says “No sir, Chief, I asked him….It’s PUSSY!”………….Facepalm.

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