A Great New Place For Lunch

Let me tell you guys about this cool new place I found, where you can eat lunch for free every Friday and Saturday. You see, since I found myself in the world of retirees, I have a lot of time on my hands and I like to get out and go on “walkabout”. For those of you not familiar with the Australian term it basically means you just go out and about and see where you end up.

Sometimes when I’m out on walkabout I find little hidden treasures that I like to pass along to my friends. This is one of those treasures.

The place is called “Costco” and it is pretty darn cool! Everything they sell is in giant sizes. Need 237 rolls of toilet paper for a party this weekend? They have it! Want to grab 42 pounds of Vienna Sausages for snacks? They have that too. But the absolute BEST thing that I have found are the “Sample Days”.

Yes Sir, it is just what it sounds like! They only come around on Fridays and Saturdays at the local store that I have discovered, but it is worth the wait all week because they will feed you until you are as full as a tick! And the menu changes each day. You get a good variety of sweet and savory, then when you get thirsty, you just mosey over to the drink isles and grab yourself a pill cup full of sparkling cranberry-kumquat juice to wash it all down!

Now, every once in awhile, you will have to start competing with the other people who have figured out this little secret of mine. You will spot them pretty quick, mainly because you will keep running into them, but they all seem to have a standard look about them. A lot of them tend to wear black socks with sandals, along with plaid shorts. Bald or little hair, mid to late 40’s to mid to late 80’s, beer belly, and they will look like they are cops on surveillance as they maneuver around to get in place for their next visit to the chicken cordon-bleu station.

But listen, it takes strategy to get the best samples. You can’t just wait in line until the next batch is finished, because then you are missing out on other good stuff. You have to plan your movements around the store to coincide with the ding of their little easy bake ovens. It takes practice but with a little effort you will get the hang of it.

Be ready though because every now and then you get an aggressive one that will jump in line or do the reach over the shoulder thing instead of waiting in line like everybody else. Just the other day I had to bite a chunk out of this rude asshole’s arm as she reached around me trying to steal the last piece of garlic toast from the tray. I started to kick her wheelchair out from under her, but I think she got my message.

Y’all go check out this place if you can find one, again it’s called “Costco”. Oh, if you see Miss Gertrude handing out the cheese stuffed ravioli bites, remind her to stash me a few please, her dang memory is terrible!

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